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Joke of the Day

Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 05 Dec 2017 12:19

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday
morning, at about 11:00 am , regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the
super natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around
11:00 AM Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the
of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and
nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible
phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and
other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits..

Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper,
entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum
cleaner.
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 06 Dec 2017 11:31

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,
She complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
What he had to say for himself:

The man replied,
'Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus,
I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said,
'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time
And sat under a sign that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!'
.... I just lost it.'

'CASE DISMISSED!!'
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 07 Dec 2017 11:55

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man
walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.
Those people walk just like that."

The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki
Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him.

And one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help
but notice the way you walk. We couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have....
Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical
students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said, "Well, I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 08 Dec 2017 11:52

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
>
> One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the
> same sentence twice.
>
> First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father
> bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it..'
>
> 'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher.. She then called on
> little Michael.
>
> 'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
>
> She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly
> called on little RALPHY.
>
> 'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just beautiful!''
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 09 Dec 2017 12:36

Newfies

DISNEYLAND
Two Newfies were going to Disneyland They were driving on the Interstate when
they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They turned around and went home.

FLORIDA OR MOON
Two Newfies were sitting on a bench talking, and one says to the other, “Which
do you think is farther away .... Florida or the moon?”

The other replies, “Jeez bye that's easy Can you see Florida?”

CAR TROUBLE
A Newfie pushes his BMW into a gas station. He tells the mechanic it died.
After the mechanic works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
The Newfie says, “What's the story?

The mechanic replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”

The Newfie asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a Newfie for speeding and asks to see his license.
The Newfie replies in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
show it to you?”
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 10 Dec 2017 10:46

Chili

Well, this here story goes something like this. Ya see, there was this trucker, and he
was on a run on day, and stopped into this diner for a bite to eat.

Well, he sits down at the counter, and the waitress comes over hands him a menu and
a glass of water, and says "What'll ya have?" Well, the trucker says," Ya got any chili?"

The waitress says, "No, I just sold my last bowl to the guy sitting next to you." So, the
trucker looks over at the guy next to him, and notices that he looks like he's mostly finished

with his meal 'cept for the bowl of chili sitting there on the counter. So, the trucker asks
the guy, "Hey, are you gonna eat that?" To which the man replied, "Naw, you go right ahead."

So, the trucker starts eating the chili, which tasted mighty good to him. Well, he got about
halfway through with it, and sees a dead mouse laying at the bottom of the bowl.

UP COMES THE CHILI!!!! Right back into the bowl!! The guy next to him says," Yep,
that's about as far as I got with it too!"
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