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Joke of the Day

Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 11 Oct 2020 09:40

Went to docs. He said I have fallen furniture syndrome.

Happens to women over 50

When I take off my bra my chest falls into my drawers.
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 12 Oct 2020 09:20

Girly Chat

Naomi --"Did you know that m name spelled backwards is 'I moan'.
That's realy funny because Iove moaning!"

Lana - "You can sod off with your stupid games!"
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 13 Oct 2020 09:16

Spreading the Stupidity

Only in This Stupid World ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the
store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in This Stupid Worl .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

Only in This Stupid World .....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the
counters..
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 14 Oct 2020 09:03

More stupidity

Only in This Stupid World ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in This Stupid World ...........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight..

Only in This Stupid World .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 15 Oct 2020 09:47

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl.

"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her £5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there,
did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"

"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under
the horse, not on top of it!"
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 16 Oct 2020 13:32

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles
have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God.'
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the
Harley-Davidson motorcycle?

Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable,
makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but he finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor
of woman?'


God said, 'Ah, yes.'

Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your
invention.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to
these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'..
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 18 Oct 2020 10:22

As requested, I just bought my blonde friend 4 pregnancy test kits.
They all showed positive.

Now she's hysterical, wondering how she's going to cope with quadruplets!
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 19 Oct 2020 10:24

Things that puzzle me

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that Doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice madewith artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 20 Oct 2020 10:54

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he
saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'


St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever lived on earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.'

'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'

'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never moved, indicating that she
never told a lie.'

'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us
that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'

'Where's Trump’s clock?' asked the man.

St. Peter replied, 'Jesus has it in his office.. He uses it as a ceiling fan...
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 21 Oct 2020 11:04

More things that puzzle me.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
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