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Joke of the Day

Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Barrowboy » 23 Oct 2019 13:54

Went for a drive yesterday evening and as I turned into an unfamiliar road I saw loads of clowns..clowns on the pavement..running in the road..all over my car...........................I must have taken a funny turn
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 24 Oct 2019 09:17

The US Navy intercepted a boatload of people off the West coast today.

This placed the Navy in an awkward position as the boat was not headingto the USA , but to Mexico and Central America.

Another surprise finding was the people were white Canadian retirement age seniors. Their claim was that they were trying to get to Central America or Southern Mexico as they wanted to return to Canada as illegal immigrants.

Then they would be entitled to far more benefits than they were receiving as legitimate Canadian retirees.

It is believed the Navy gave them food, water and fuel and assisted them on their journey.

Canadian friends are booking on the next boat out.
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 25 Oct 2019 09:33

Back on January 9th, a group of HELL'S ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.
>>>>
>>>> George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says "Hey Baby . . . whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?
>>>>
>>>> She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!”
>>>>
>>>> While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked, "Well, before you jump, Babe . . . why don't you give ol' George here your best last kiss?"
>>>>
>>>> So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that . . . and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
>>>>
>>>> After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
>>>>
>>>> "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
>>>>
>>>> It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 26 Oct 2019 08:37

This will be my last joke for a while as I am off on a cruise. Hopefully someone will
keep the thread going, please! :D

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked
sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother
had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take
day off to relax & rest.'

Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it & I have the
best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass &
the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office & sees her
hysterically...

'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

'No!' exclaims the blonde.'I just received a horrible call from my sister - Her
mother died, too!'
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Joke of the Day

Postby judgegeoff » 03 Nov 2019 23:30

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Joke of the Day

Postby judgegeoff » 14 Nov 2019 09:17

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Joke of the Day

Postby judgegeoff » 15 Nov 2019 09:43

A luxury cruise liner is about to leave port when the engine breaks down. Every mechanic on staff tries everything they can think of to get it running, but no luck. Desperate, the captain begins asking passengers if there's any mechanics on board. A retired old salt steps forward and says "I have 50 years experience as a navy mechanic, maybe I can help".
They show him the engine, and after looking it over for a few minutes, he grabs a ball peen hammer, walks over to one of many pipes jutting from the engine and taps it with the hammer.
The engine roars back to life, humming like the first day it was used. The captain thanks the man profusely and says "just write up a bill and I'll personally see to it you're compensated for saving this voyage". The old salt scribbles on a slip of paper and hands it to the captain. It says: hit engine with hammer- £10,000.
The captain is outraged. "I appreciate what you've done, but how can you possibly justify that price for just hitting the engine with a hammer"? The old salt grabs the paper, scribbles some more and hands it back. Now it says:
Hitting engine with hammer - £5.
Knowing exactly where to hit engine with hammer - £9,995.
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Joke of the Day

Postby judgegeoff » 16 Nov 2019 08:51

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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Barrowboy » 18 Nov 2019 21:21

The year is 2192.

The British prime minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension the the Brexit deadline.

No one remembers where this tradition originated, but every year it attracts many tourists
from all over the world.
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Joke of the Day

Postby judgegeoff » 23 Nov 2019 00:11

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mother was talking about her side of the family."
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