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Joke of the Day

Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 27 May 2020 08:22

IN CASE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THIS LITTLE TIDBIT OF WONDERFUL TRIVIA . . .

ON JULY 20, 1969,

NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE,

NEIL WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON AND

HIS FIRST WORDS WERE:

"THIS IS ONE SMALL STEP FOR A MAN AND ONE GIANT LEAP FORWARD FOR MANKIND,"

HIS WORDS WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.

BUT, JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LUNAR MODULE, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK,
"GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."

MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL COSMONAUT.

HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE
PROGRAMS.

OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY'
MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.

ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING NEIL'S SPEECH,
A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26 YEAR-OLD QUESTION ABOUT MR.GORSKY.

THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE MR. GORSKY HAD JUST DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT
HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.

HERE IS THE ANSWER TO "WHO WAS MR. GORSKY?" . . .

"IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN, PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND
IN HIS BACKYARD.

HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW.
HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.

AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG NEIL ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS GORSKY SHOUTING
AT MR. GORSKY:

"SEX! YOU WANT SEX? YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON".

THE PLACE ROARED IN LAUGHTER!!!

LATER NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAMILY CONFIRMED THAT THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 28 May 2020 10:04

A man sunbathes in the nude and burns his penis. His doctor
told him to put it in a saucer of milk to ease the pain.

His blonde wife comes home to find him doing this, and says,
'F**k me, I always wondered how you reloaded those things'.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Barrowboy » 29 May 2020 08:05

.
Day 317 without sex:

Went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.
David
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 29 May 2020 10:58

Barrowboy wrote:.
Day 317 without sex:

Went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.


Love it! :lol:

Things that puzzle me.

1. If poison has an expiry date and expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer
poisonous?

2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realise that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?

5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

7. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims"

8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone
has cars and only the rich own horses.
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 30 May 2020 10:54

Four great confusions still unresolved.

1. At a movie theatre, which arm rest is yours?

2. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?

3. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?

4. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 31 May 2020 08:11

Points to Ponder

Ever wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?

Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?

How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?

If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?

If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?

How do you get off a non-stop Flight?

Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 01 Jun 2020 10:56

LOCKDOWN LETTER FROM YOUR DOG


Dear hoomans

I have noticed over the past couple of weeks you have been

staying in my home for extended periods of time. It is lovely

having you here but I feel I should set a few ground rules. I

would appreciate it if you would follow the rules whilst you

are staying with me.


1. When you do pop out you will need to take me with you.


2. You seem to be eating lots of nice goodies whilst lazing

about the house. I am entitled to a share of these. I won’t

make a fuss I will just sit in front of you and quietly stare at

you until I get my quota.


3. Don’t call me for another bath, I am clean now. Just because

you are bored doesn’t mean I need a wash or haircut. I suggest

you go clean the metal box on wheels outside again. Daddy

human has done that a few times now even though it hasn’t

moved in weeks.


4. As you are here constantly at the moment, it is your duty to

let me out as often as I require. That means that even if I have

just come in and want to go out again you should let me.

Sometimes I miss a spot whilst sniffing about and I need to recheck.


5. When I am asleep, leave me sleeping, this isn’t a cue for the

little humans to play with me. I can also sleep where I like, I don’t

expect to be woken so you can move me.


6. Do not shhhh me when I am barking. As you are here more, my

job of protecting you has increased. I have to listen out for every

little noise and inform you of it in case it’s a threat.


7. Don’t leave a room without me, I know how sneaky you guys can

be. Just the other day I am sure I heard a crisp packet being opened

upstairs and no one called me to share. So from now on I will be

following you about.


8. This is a very important rule. If it lands on the floor it’s MINE, if

it’s in my mouth it’s MINE.


9. You will never pee alone again, you watch me pee so I do not

understand

why you shut me out and close the loo door when

you pee.


10. If you do not follow these rules I will use SAD PUPPY DOG EYES

TO GET WHAT I WANT !!
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 02 Jun 2020 10:00

My wife came home from work early to find me strutting around
the house in her new dress and high heels.

She shook her head in horror and burst into tears.


"I'm sorry, love," I said, embarrassed. "It's not something I do all
the time. I just experiment now and then."

"I don't care about your fetishes," she sobbed, "but I must be a
right fat cow if you can get into my clothes!!..
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 03 Jun 2020 10:22

All the members of the company's Board of Directors were called into the Chairman's office,
one after another, until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting outside.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned.

Ted entered the office to find the Chairman and the other four Directors seated at the far
end of the boardroom table.

Ted was instructed to stand at the other end of the table, which he did.

The Chairman looked Ted squarely in the eye, and with a stern voice, he asked:
"Have you ever had sex with my secretary, Miss Floyd?"

"Oh, no, sir, positively not...!" Ted replied.

"Are you absolutely sure...?" asked the chairman.

"Honest, I've never been close enough to even touch her...!"

"You'd swear to that...?"

"Yes, I swear I've never had sex with Miss Floyd, anytime, anywhere." insisted Ted.

"Good. Then YOU fire her."
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Joke of the Day

Postby Gillzajoker » 04 Jun 2020 08:22

The Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo
sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will
induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the recent pandemic.

Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week....!!
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